Relocation With Children – Separation And Divorce
Leaving The Safety & Security Of Home
Moving with children can be a big deal. Their excitement, reluctance, anxiety and other moods will challenge your patience. If you can be proactive and calm you’ll make the move easier for them and for yourself. When moving with children as much notice as you can that they’ll be moving to give them time to think about it. Don’t expect them to be pleased. Home represents security and a move is, for them, is an unknown quantity and a destabilizing concept. Let them tell you how they feel and talk freely about their concerns. Be realistic about the move. Don’t paint it as all fun, or give them unrealistic expectations about their new home, or tell them that they’ll make lots of friends right away.
Adjusting To Change
Explain that change is a part of life, and set an example for your children, particularly if this isn’t a move that you’re keen on yourself. Allow them to participate in some decisions; that will give them a sense of control. Let them choose some possessions to keep with them during the move. Consider hiring a babysitter for young children on moving day, to allow you to concentrate on the movers. If you’re moving to a new city, you probably won’t be able to make the same arrangements at your destination unless you have friends or relatives there – but if you can, it would help on delivery day.
Your children’s bedroom furniture should be among the first items to be unloaded and unpacked at the new home. Make sure you allow them to say good-bye to friends and close relatives. Don’t just wisk them away, even if they’re young. During the move, make sure you keep your children fed and occupied. Hungry, bored children are much less compliant than those who are full and engaged. If there are problems during the move, try to stay calm.
You Lead They Follow
The children will follow your lead. Make sure they feel as though they’re part of the move, rather than just cargo. When you get there, don’t try to unpack the entire house at once. Get them settled into their rooms with their stuff and then take the time to explore the new neighborhood with them. You can unpack your things gradually. Try not to dwell so much on memories of their old home that you impair their ability to adapt to the new one. Just as you allowed them time to leave their old home, their schools and their friends, give them plenty of time to adjust to their new environment. They’ll settle at their own pace so long as you don’t pressure them.