The Loss Of Trust In Close Personal Relationships – Infidelity
When one or both partners no longer value truthfulness as an essential value in their relationship, the loss of trust soon follows. Partners want the other to be truthful with them. When truthfulness suffers so does the loss of trust in the others willingness to keep their promises. For almost all partners, fidelity is a promise that goes to the essence of the relationship. The stress and depression this causes can reach intolerable levels.
If you sense there is cheating going on your imagination can run wild. Painful thoughts start running through your head. Yet, within this emotional chaos, you need to make sure that you don’t make the problem worse before you have the chance to make it better. Here is what I mean. This is true for both partners. Lets take the scenario that you are the one being accused of cheating.
Here are some helpful trouble-tips to consider:
If your partner suspects you are cheating, even if you’re not, you certainly don’t want to make the matter worse by spending a lot of time out being social even if your job requires a certain level of entertaining. This will only fuel suspicion and will make it harder to convince your partner their fears are ungrounded.
Instead, take some time off from work and socializing and take your partner for a romantic getaway. It doesn’t have to be a fourteen-day trip to Paris, it could be a weekend away where your focus is entirely on your partner.
Reassure your partner that it is not true. Communicate that you understand how she/he might be feeling, but that you take your promise of fidelity quite seriously.
Don’t do anything that will make you appear distant or disinterested in your partner. Instead, go out of the way and do something for nice like treating your partner to a massage and a great dinner.
Now all of this assumes that you have not cheated on your partner. If you have cheated and you still value the relationship with your partner, you really only have two choices:
Admit the infidelity, admit you were wrong, and ask for forgiveness. There is no question your relationship will suffer from this breach in trust and it may take years to recover and depending on the love your partner truly has for you, the relationship will endure or it will end.
If you truly value and love your partner, you will need to promise that it will never happen again and do everything you can to focus your time and attention on your partner with authentic gestures of love, compassion and kindness. There is still no guarantee your partner will remain with you, but you have been truthful with your partner and did everything you could to repair the damage that was done.
Quotes on Commitment and Fidelity you may want to consider:
“Maybe that’s what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all.” ― Emily Giffin
“Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect.” ― Marcus Aurelius,
“When I say ‘I will be true to you’ I am drawing a quiet space beyond the reach of other desires.” ― Jeanette Winterson
“Then again, you cannot stop the flood of desire as it moves through the world, inappropriate though it may sometimes be. It is the prerogative of all humans to make ludicrous choices, to fall in love with the most unlikely of partners, and to set themselves up for the most predictable of calamities.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert
“Do we really mean it when we say ‘in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, until death do us part or do we add a silent clause, ‘unless you shame me or disappoint me?’ What is the cost of unconditional love and how capable are we of giving that?” ― Deirdre-Elizabeth Parker