Transforming Your Relationship Through Honest Communication
When differences arise and stress escalates between partners, being able to have an honest and empathetic conversation with your partner is fundamental to resolution and a stronger relationship.
Here Are A Few Trouble-Tips:
Slow Down And Consider What To Say
Consider what it is that you really want to convey before you speak. Always consider if there is a workable compromise before you make your proposal. You must be open to consider alternatives if you are really serious about solving the problem.
You must also know how to listen with your heart as well as your brain. They’re not the same. Don’t pretend to be listening while waiting for you partner to finish talking so you can tell them what you want to say. This happens more then you know. It is a form of reactive thinking and being unable to stop the chatter in your head long enough to actually be listening to your partner. Being open really means being open. Again, if this is the person you love and want to be with, both of you need to be committed to working out your differences.
Select A Good Time And Place
Problem solving takes time. Allocate a sufficient amount of time. Select a comfortable place that is quiet and peaceful. Turn off your smart phone. Better yet, leave it in another room and turn off its ringer.
There is nothing more irritating then speaking to your partner about what matters while watching your partner scroll through their messages. You might as well be telling your partner to take a shit in a pond.
Giving Up Having To Be Right
We have all learned that it’s better to be right then be wrong. So much so, that people will argue things they don’t even believe just to justify their “right” position. Well here is the good news: being “right” isn’t what it’s all cracked-up to be.
First of all, our perception of almost everything is skewed by a belief system that has been drummed into our heads by other people. Specifically, your parents, and likely what ever you learned from them came from their parents. Nothing is wrong with generational teaching, but the reality is that most families are highly dysfunctional and are conditioned by social environments that can be quite unusual to say the least.
The point is, each of us are rarely “right” on almost anything! We have our perceptions and opinions, but absolute right and wrong is something of a rarity. I am not saying this to make you feel inadequate, quite the contrary. Understanding we are evolving as people, a society and a species, tells us we have not yet reached the point of our highest brainpower – not even close. For God’s sake we came from monkeys!
So put what you may believe is “right” under the spotlight before you tell another person, especially a person you really care about what is right and what is wrong. It’s not only arrogant it’s ignorant. Best you be open that life is often hard to figure out and that it’s easy to get lost in what we believe is right – and acknowledge that something is “right” if what you propose works for both of you.
It’s not about being right. It’s about being able to say you were wrong or that you may have misunderstood the situation that is truly powerful.