In marriage, we go from a single identity to a combined one. We begin to perceive and experience life from a new perspective. Indeed, an exciting energy along with a profound sense of relief can fill us when we realize we are no longer alone in our life’s journey.
The sense of separateness and disconnection from singularity evaporates and a peace emerges in the knowing of your new partnership. In time however, life begins to change again and when it does your perspective about your partner and your marriage can also change.
When Life Begins To Change Again
Life’s troubles can come in all shapes and sizes – especially in a rough economy. There can be money trouble that can lead to a bankruptcy and home foreclosure. There can be trouble at work, career, health, and yes, trouble with raising children. In time, for many partners, the experience of marriage and life itself can take on a new dimension.
While some expectations in the marriage become fulfilled, others can fall terribly short. In the beginning, while a change in identity from being single to being married seems to offer peace and comfort, it does not take long until the spouses are challenged by the adversity of life’s challenges. In the process, each spouse gets to see the other in the midst of personal struggle. This is not always a pretty sight, especially when partners begin to blame each other for how their married life has changed.
Estrangement can form, as one or both spouses begin to question whether they had made the right choice in their life partner. Both can begin to doubt and fear that the wonderful union they entered into may not have been the answer each had hoped for. A sense of loneliness and separateness can emerge and before long, there is talk of ending the marriage. The possibility of divorce begins to feel inevitable.
Life is about to change again and we are suddenly returned to the possibility that we may find ourselves alone again. Few things in life can be as disappointing as divorce, especially when there are children involved.
The Fear Of Change And Separation – The Great Illusions
The only constant we can count on when going through a divorce is that of continued change. What’s more, the changes that we experience when we divorce are not likely to stop anytime soon. For most of us, it is the frightening prospect of experiencing a long and protracted period of aloneness that we fear will never leave us. With that said, here is the truth about the nature of change:
First and foremost, change is all there is. Nothing stays the same. Nothing. Change is built into the system of our lives. It is how we evolve. It is how we emotionally grow and transform ourselves into more complete people. It is the process of our own evolution playing out right before our eyes.
Changing Your Idea About Change
We all too often shrink back into ourselves when the ground beneath us begins to shift and change. However, more often then not, it is our own idea about change that will either chain us to the floor or liberate us from our fears and illusions. Changing fear into hope is one way we transform what we see into what we desire to authentically experience in our lives.
Choose to experience hope rather then fear and you will change your experience of change itself. Even positive change, such as getting married can cause you to react with fear and anxiety. For example, you can decide to get married and almost immediately you can begin to fear the changes it might bring. What if the love does not last? What if my spouse is unable to be faithful? What if I am unable to have children? What if my spouse grows tired of me?
How you choose to experience change is how you will end up navigating through it. Nearly all types of major change can bring about fear and anxiety. It is entirely normal to feel that way. But it is not the only way to feel and you actually have a choice in the matter.
It becomes clear that it is not change we fear, but rather how we choose to view these changes in the greater context of our lives. Will we see divorce from a negative perspective or from a positive one? Only you have the power to make that choice. Only you can choose to think the thoughts you wish to think.
The Illusion Of Separateness – Challenging Your World View
How we see the world is often how we end up experiencing it. Instead, we must focus on changing the way we see ourselves within the greater process of change. We are not separate beings left to figure out the world or be banished from it. We are part of a vast collective consciousness that is constantly engaged and constantly changing. Separation is the illusion, not the rule and it is what prevents us from being fully engaged and fully free.
Change is the way the universe operates. Indeed, quantum physics tells us that everything in the universe, including us, is in a constant state of physical motion and change. What’s more, how we choose to see the changes in our lives, even the change from marriage to divorce, is entirely up to us. Understanding this at a gut level however (where it counts!) means that you can learn to change your perspective that you are not alone and never have been. You can only feel alone – but this is precisely the illusion. This realization is the beginning of healing and it is the path back to a fulfilled and meaningful life.
For example, change your perspective that you need to go through divorce alone. It’s not true and it will not benefit you. We do not need to punish ourselves for life not working out the way we had planned.
So what good can come from acknowledging your illusion of separateness or aloneness? It is the reason why you feel the way you do about your life and your current situation. By moving beyond the illusion you elevate yourself to the truth of your own life situation. It will also provide you the opportunity to reach out to others and share your feelings about how you are dealing with life.
By understanding the truth about change and the profound connectedness that actually makes up all of our lives, we get the chance to get out of our mind and into a place of peaceful observation.