Decisions made in haste have a tendency to be expensive. Vulnerable consumers can easily overspend. Sometimes there's a sense that to properly honor a just-departed loved one a funeral must be lavish. Not so. A funeral should be in keeping with the character of the deceased, his or her spiritual beliefs, the nature of the life led, and the traditions of the surviving family and friends.

If you find yourself faced with the task of organizing a funeral for a loved one who has died unexpectedly or without leaving instructions, take a level-headed friend with you to the funeral home as a steadying influence.

Depending on the type of funeral chosen, there are a variety of services that a funeral home may offer. A good funeral director will ease your burden by complying with your wishes and filling in the blanks, ensuring that all the necessary steps are organized, and that religious, cultural and family traditions are encompassed.

Types of funerals

Cryonics
Memorial service
Home funerals
Green burial
Space burial
Burial at sea or inland water

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It's important to know what to do when a loved one dies. Although beset by shock and grief, you may be called upon to handle the necessary practicalities.

In the absence of instructions from the deceased, or a pre-planned funeral, you'll need to make a series of decisions, quickly. If there are several family members and friends assembled, make a list of the necessary tasks and delegate responsibility. Orchestrating a funeral entails planning the funeral ceremony and the disposition of the deceased's body, accommodating guests and, usually, arranging for a subsequent gathering that may even have an element of celebration as people give thanks for the life of the deceased and share happy memories.

You are not legally required to use a funeral home to organize a funeral, but you may find the services of professionals well versed in the regulations and practicalities of such an event very helpful.

Although it may feel mercenary, you'll need to ascertain whether the cost of the funeral is to be covered by the deceased's estate. This is important, because if you make all the arrangements with a funeral home and sign all the papers, you're going to be the one who's billed. Be careful.

Getting organized

• You'll need to begin by having the death pronounced by a doctor or coroner. Ask either to tell you the state's regulations with respect to the time frame within which a body must be buried or cremated. A funeral director will be able to answer that question too.
• Unless you're prepared to organize a home funeral, you'll need to contact a funeral home and arrange to have the body picked up and transported there.
• If you want the deceased dressed in certain clothing, you can either do so yourself prior to the body being picked up, or request that the funeral home do it for you.
• Contact friends and relatives.
• Notify the deceased's employer and insurance company.
• Go to the funeral home and meet with the funeral director to make plans in accordance with the deceased's wishes.

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• Some choices will influence others. If the deceased is to be directly cremated before a funeral, for instance, then you may opt for a simple casket to transport the body to the crematorium, but choose an attractive urn if the cremated remains are to be present at the subsequent service. If there is to be an open casket for viewings, then embalming becomes a consideration, as does the type of casket.
• A cemetery interment means choosing between ground burial and entombment in a mausoleum, whereas a scattering of ashes raises the question of location and accompanying ceremony.
• If you want a funeral or memorial service held at a church or other place of worship, you'll need to make such arrangements with the appropriate officials, and you'll need to discuss the nature of the service.
• As you envision the ceremony, you can think of issues such as flowers, music, speakers, scripture or other readings, books for guests to sign, and having programs printed that list the order of the service. If there's to be a casket present at the funeral service, then you'll need pallbearers; six is the customary number. You might want to ask close friends of the deceased to act as ushers for arriving guests.
• Depending on the service you've chosen, you may need to organize a hearse and other vehicles to transport the deceased and family members to a cemetery.
• The deceased's personal and spiritual preferences will guide you as you organize the memorialization.
• Once you have the necessary details and dates, you can contact the newspaper to place a notice. You may choose to specify a charity for donations in lieu of flowers, or some other expression that you think would have pleased the deceased.
• You'll need to get a death certificate from the state Office of Vital Statistics or county health department. The executor of the deceased's estate will need multiple certified copies to collect insurance and other benefits, and to properly notify banks, terminate leases and handle other paperwork associated with settling an estate. You can either contact the Office of Vital Statistics or health department yourself, or ask your funeral director to get the death certificate for you.
• Once you have the funeral service organized, you can decide on a subsequent gathering of guests. You may want to have the event catered, which relieves bereaved family and friends of the obligation to pitch in.

Try not to take on the entire responsibility for organizing a loved one's funeral yourself. Others will want to help, to share the experience as a way to feel connected to the one who has died and to make a contribution to the memorialization, and you need to allow yourself time to grieve.

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Death benefits
Veterans
Organ donation
Whole body donation